lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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