he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
