let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
