WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
