i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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