My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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