She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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