New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I die, sorry about rent.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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