i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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