Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
