i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
