Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is Oprah even human
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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