break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So many bounce houses so little time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
