my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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