he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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