So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
