I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
