You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
