my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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