Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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