If i come over, it means nothing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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