i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
