they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's like iHOP with fire
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
