last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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