Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
