I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
