Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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