She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
