how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
