When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
