just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
