Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
