How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
