filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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