A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
