whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize