and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
