you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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