Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
