He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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