Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
