I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
