I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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