these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
