I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
