when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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