oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
