Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize