You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
