Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
