i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
