So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
