dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
