a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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