Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
