i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
