I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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