No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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