wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
