Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
