I am puke
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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