they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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