Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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