Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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