how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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