She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
