I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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