and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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