pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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